Your tits are I can't wait for
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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