I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
