weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im having a threesome with these popsicles
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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