So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
