i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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