WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize