I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize