Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
