Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
