you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
