I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
