I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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