I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
