I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
