Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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