so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
