the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize