Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
