My Higher Power is John Stamos
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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