Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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