I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
