it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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