you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Randomize
