Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize