he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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