Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
PANTIES FOUND
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