tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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