just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
