it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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