is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
