I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
