thus making me awesome and them whores
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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