Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize