u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
