mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
