im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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