when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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