I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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