I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize