my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's always time for handjobs
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
