dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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