apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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