I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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