I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
