OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
