I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
