she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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