Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize