Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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