i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
