I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
