Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
