why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
