i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize