You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
