bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
