Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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