You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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