you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize