I cannot find my penis.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
