i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
