i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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