Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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