its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
