When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
