apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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