Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
