And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
