If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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