whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The uberlube is also flammable
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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