Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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