Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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